


when your heart is bleeding

by QQI25



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQI25/pseuds/QQI25
Summary: Lup says "well, you're the ugly one" like all the times they joked back then, but things are different after Wonderland.





	when your heart is bleeding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_accidental_horcrux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_accidental_horcrux/gifts).



> based off a tumblr post by jaggedarchetypes! thank u so much for letting me write sth based on it!
> 
> title is from "making the most of the night" by carly rae jepsen

There are lots of adjustments Taako must make in his life after The Day of Story and Song, but having Lup back in his life? That isn’t really a big one. He’d never understood the whole “two halves make a whole” thing until he’d gotten back Lup. See, the brain forgets, but the heart remembers. Or, well, the muscles. He would always makes food for two without thinking about it. He would start sentences and wait for someone else to finish. He would sing only the harmony in duets. He’d been leaving space for Lup this whole time. 

There’s the teasing. Of course, back then, they’d been by each other’s side the whole time. Now, though, there’s a whole decade of time that Lup was stuck in her umbrastaff and Taako had forgotten about her. But they still tease, because there’s at least _some_ semblance of normalcy. Some words though, Taako _can’t_ take as a joke. Some words hit too close to home. 

They’re getting ready for the day, clothes, hair, makeup, together in the bathroom. Lup’s in front of the mirror and Taako’s sitting on the toilet, lid closed thank you very much. He’s taken to waking up earlier than everyone else so that he can cast Disguise Self without anyone knowing. Lup sleeps with Barry right next door. He honestly couldn’t tell you what they were talking about before then, but then she says it. 

She says flippantly, “Well you’re the ugly one.” And he _knows_ they’ve had a whole century plus some of jokes like this, knows this is just how they do, but that makes it worse. He freezes, and he hates it, hates how he reacts now. But he can’t _not_. He can’t not because it’s true. He _is_ the ugly one. He’s the one who doesn’t look like himself anymore, but more importantly, doesn’t look like Lup. He looks like a _stranger_ , like someone who can’t even come close to comparing to Lup. Lup is breathtakingly beautiful. He used to be, too. He wants it to not be a big deal but it’s been such a big deal his whole life that he was beautiful. When that’s taken away, how can’t it be? 

He’s silent for far, far too long, so long that he can’t make a comeback now, and Lup definitely notices. Her brush stops moving and she sets it down, moving towards him. 

“Taako? You good? Sorry if that was insensitive or something, I--oh shit you’re crying, babe.” She sits down on the edge of the bathtub and dabs at his tears with her shirtsleeve. He could lie, say it’s nothing, but that’s never been their relationship and he doesn’t wanna start doing that now. 

“I-I um,” he says haltingly. 

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to, or if it’s hard to talk about.”

“No, _fuck_ it’s so _stu_ pid,” he says, laughing bitterly. He takes a deep breath and lets it go, trying to compose himself. “I um, you’re right. I _am_ the ugly one.” He lets Disguise Self fall away. 

“I never meant to hide anything from you but if it was up to me, Lulu, no one would know. Only Magnus and Merle and the assholes who did it know that this happened to me. And now you, I guess. I’m gonna be one spell slot short the rest of my fucking life. If no big bad comes along again we’re good.” He forces a laugh. Lup brushes the hair out of his face and holds his hands, looking earnestly into his eyes.

“It’s not what’s on the outside that matters. You’re still beautiful.” He looks away. 

“It was never like that before and you know it,” he mumbles.

“Things change, babe. Anyway, I’m pretty much the smartest person you know and _I_ say you’re beautiful, which basically means that’s a fucking fact, so write that the fuck down, my dude.” Lup squeezes his hands before going back to the mirror. He loves her and her matter-of-fact way of speaking. He doesn’t mind being vulnerable around Lup, but he’s glad that that talk stops all the same. 

———

The next morning, he wakes up at his usual time. Lup, oddly enough, is already in the bathroom, leaning against the counter. 

“Took _you_ long enough, dingus,” she says. 

“ _Me?_ I wake up _at_ this time, and I’m always the first one up. You—what did you do to your face?” Her face looks just like his, except he hasn’t cast Disguise Self yet. 

“Whaddyou mean? We’re identical twins. We look alike. _And_ we look good. Best looking pair of twins around. Now are you gonna do your makeup? Or are you just gonna keep ogling me? I mean, I know I look good, but we better get to doing our makeup if we wanna have food ready for the rest of the gang by the time they wake up.” She hipchecks him and turns to face the mirror and start doing her makeup. For the first time since Wonderland, he doesn’t feel the need to cast Disguise Self.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. so the past few days i listened to all lizzo's songs nd am working my way thru crj (thanks to griffo) nd this song was the most recent song added to my playlist for the twins, so.
> 
> 2\. this actually seems p short whoops lol
> 
> 3\. i rly love the twins oml nd i didn't want taako to love himself bc of a s/o? like maybe thts selfish bc i'm arospec but like. idk i just want it to come from lup basically lol
> 
> 4\. life update: summer is time for thriving creatively!! so i'm (hopefully) doing more crafts, nd i'm rding, writing, maybe drawing. so expect to see more!
> 
> 5\. i hv a few inspos from diff posts nd tht incl some taz nd some marvel. i also hv my taz college au? i'm kinda stuck rn but i promise i'll post more for it! ik im mainly spideypool rn nd dw thts not gone. i hv some inspo posts for them. also! my wlw collections i hv a list of prompts bc this one day i went nd listened to songs nd came up w ideas based on them so ya it's just a matter of am i able to write sth for them nd find an ending lol


End file.
